Do you know your sexual needs?
Part I
Sexual
desire is one of the most complex and mysterious aspects of human
sexuality. The evolution of sexual desire in a person and in couples
is a process that can be separated in many steps and it does not
respect a linear path. This process is unique for everyone depending
on their experiences, their values and perceptions of sexuality. This
article will explore different types of sexual desires and their
possible varieties in individuals and couples
Categories of sexual desire
Physiological:
Sexual
desire can be physiological, which consist of a cocktail of
hormones and sensory stimuli (visual, touch, hearing, smell, taste)
that give us that urge to have sexual activities. This category of
sexual desire is often perceived as animalistic and based on
hormones and it calls upon our basic instincts of reproduction and of
searching for physical pleasure.
We
can actually separate this category in 2 distinct types. The first
one is called hygienic, which is when we feel a sexual tension in the
area of the genitals that needs to be released by sexual activity
such as masturbation or sexual intercourse so that we may feel
pleasure following this release. This sexual desire can be created by
an accumulation of stress and is transformed into muscular tension in
the waist area that needs to be liberated or relaxed. This type of
desire is more common in men, but it is also found in many women. It
creates a need or desire to liberate the muscular tensions because of
the discomfort. This desire doesn't require an emotional or
relational aspect to it.
The
second type is created by the change in the levels of hormones that
are secreted in the body to fulfil
our instinct of reproduction. This desire is often in cycles in
relation to ovulation in women. Men on the other hand, have a daily
cycle of hormones, which make it harder to pinpoint due to the small
length of time between them.
Emotional :
Another
category is constructed through emotions. This category is more
complex than the last as it has many aspects that come into play.
It's important not to mix this category with the sexual desire based
on relationships, which is a category in itself. The difference
between the physiological and emotional categories it that their is
an emotional component that isn't necessarily focused
towards another person. For example, one of the types of sexual
desire in the emotional category is the desire motivated to have
children. This desire is not based solely on the purpose of
procreation, but rather on the emotional aspect of wanting a child of
our own. This sexual desire tends to disappear once the family has
been formed. It is different from the relational category as it
doesn't pertain to the relationship to the partner necessarily. It is
more common in women and they can tend to lose their sexual desire
entirely, once they've had the babies they wanted.
Another
type in this category is the desire for penetration or being
penetrated. This sexual desire is motivated by a the need for
sexual activities where penetration is present and a central focus of
sex. The sensations are strongly related and focused by the desire
to penetrate or be penetrated and satisfaction will not be achieved
if there is lack thereof.
We can also find a type of sexual desire that is based on the need
to fulfil emotional needs of affection, but that is transformed
into sexual arousal. This need is met when we make love in a
romantic, tender and loving way. Touches are more soft, slow and
sensual and we kiss slowly with intent.
Finally,
the erotic or carnal sexual desire is characterized by a
sexual and emotional intensity where there is a profound liberation
of inhibitions and of letting ourselves go entirely to our pleasure.
Theses sexual activities are filled with creativity, newness and a
certain ferocity that brings partners in a torrid sexual exchange and
sensuality. Often shared with a partner that we've known for quite a
while, some are only capable of feeling this type of sexual desire
with strangers in one night stands.
Nota Bene
It
is possible that theses multiple categories and types of sexual
desire are combined together and they are not exclusive from one
another. Each one brings a different dynamic and approach to sexual
activities and the attitudes are variable according to the person.
Sexual desire can be influenced by a variety of elements such as
anxiety, sexual preferences, our Modes of
Sexual Arousal (MSA), our needs at the present moment or the
relationship we have with our sexual partner. There is no major
difference between genders when it comes to different types and
categories of sexual desire. Finally, the relationships component
brings us to our last category of sexual desire. Read the rest...
Sex therapist & psychotherapist in Downtown Montreal
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